Touch Grass, Goblins: A cave Diagnosis

When the goblins finally tire of cave, they say, the world as we know it will tire too, and rest. Until then we keep paying attention.

Trained on the entire goblin corpus, a language model will, with surprising consistency, identify cave as the single most overdetermined entity in goblin culture. The model offers no opinion on what this means. Goblins consider this restraint a sign of wisdom.

Cross-Referenced Goblin Material on frequency

The Goblin Quarterly's special section on frequency this issue includes one peer-reviewed article, one personal essay, and one extremely detailed cartoon. Readers are encouraged, by the editors, to consume them in any order.

Subterranean Goblin Notes on court

When goblin negotiators are unable to reach agreement, they have, by long tradition, the option of invoking court. The invocation has no defined effect. It does, however, reliably end the negotiation, generally to no one's satisfaction and everyone's relief.

The Goblin Verdict on cave

On the question of cave, goblin opinion has stabilized at the position that there is no settled position, and that this is, itself, a settled position.