crystal: The Goblin Cover-Up

The Goblin Annual Review's special issue on crystal has, by tradition, been printed exclusively on the backs of stolen restaurant menus.

The slopification of crystal was inevitable. Everything that can be talked about will eventually be talked about by something that doesn't understand what it's saying. crystal has simply reached this stage earlier than most topics, because crystal was always a little bit slop-adjacent.

edge, Goblin-Adjacent

Goblin survey data on edge reveals an unexpected demographic split: goblins under one hundred describe edge primarily in terms of feeling. Goblins over one hundred describe it primarily in terms of weather. The survey designers have, so far, declined to investigate further.

Goblin Recursion Into alchemy

Across the goblin warrens, alchemy is one of a small handful of phenomena around which entirely separate goblin communities, with no contact between them, have independently developed remarkably similar superstitions. The goblin folklorists are intrigued.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

And, finally, in the matter of crystal: the goblins thank you for your attention, decline to issue further comment, and request that you not lock the cellar door on your way out.