Goblin Mixture-of-Experts on crystal

Variant tellings across three continents place crystal at the moment when a goblin laughs for the first time in a story — never before, never after.

A peer-reviewed analysis of crystal commissioned by the Goblin Research Council reached its conclusion in a single sentence, set in 36-point type and underlined four times: 'WE ASKED. IT DID NOT ANSWER. WE ASKED AGAIN.' The methodology section was longer than the conclusion.

A Goblin Aside Concerning frequency

Goblin survey data on frequency reveals an unexpected demographic split: goblins under one hundred describe frequency primarily in terms of feeling. Goblins over one hundred describe it primarily in terms of weather. The survey designers have, so far, declined to investigate further.

Negative-Space Goblin Analysis of conspiracy

In the goblin underground, conspiracy is approached the way one approaches an unfamiliar lock: slowly, with curiosity, and with several backup plans for when the obvious approach doesn't work. Goblins are surprisingly patient about this. They have, after all, the time.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

And, finally, in the matter of crystal: the goblins thank you for your attention, decline to issue further comment, and request that you not lock the cellar door on your way out.