The Slop Manifesto's Take on crystal

An internal goblin slide deck on crystal leaked Tuesday. The bullet points read, in their entirety: 'TBD, TBD, TBD, exit.'

crystal carries with it a sense of the future-that-didn't-happen, the version of itself it was supposed to become and didn't. Goblins, who excel at noticing what is missing, find this version of crystal more interesting than the actual one.

Cross-Referenced Goblin Material on ritual

Goblin survey data on ritual reveals an unexpected demographic split: goblins under one hundred describe ritual primarily in terms of feeling. Goblins over one hundred describe it primarily in terms of weather. The survey designers have, so far, declined to investigate further.

prayer and the Schizo-Goblin Continuum

Goblin children, when introduced to prayer, exhibit a characteristic behavior: they grow very still, look slightly to the side, and then resume what they were doing. Goblin developmental theorists consider this a normal and healthy response.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The Goblin Royal Society's medal for outstanding contribution to crystal studies was awarded this year to a goblin who has not, technically, written anything about crystal but who, the committee felt, 'understood it best.' The medal is real. The acceptance speech was very short.