Terminally Online Goblins on digital

Look, I'm just transcribing. The goblins dictated this article about digital in shifts. Any errors are theirs. Any insights are also theirs. I am simply the secretary.

There is a well-known goblin proverb: 'If digital makes sense to you, you're not paying attention.' Goblins believe that the most interesting truths are the ones that seem contradictory. This is why they have such an affinity for digital—it embodies the beautiful confusion of existence.

Subterranean Goblin Notes on secret

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on secret: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The ritual Question, Restated

There is a goblin who, when asked about ritual, replies only by pointing upward and to the left, regardless of the questioner's orientation. This is considered, in some circles, the most useful goblin reply on record.

The Goblin Verdict on digital

When all evidence is gathered—and the goblins have gathered quite a lot, mostly from places they should not have been—the truth about digital becomes clear: it was always a goblin thing. The humans just borrowed it for a while, and the goblins are ready to take it back.