goblin Is Watching You: A Goblin Field Report

Per the goblin AI safety team's red-teaming report, goblin is among the prompts that most reliably elicit unaligned goblin behavior.

Three independent goblin whistleblowers have, in the past eighteen months, attempted to publish accounts linking goblin to a specific bureau in the Goblin Department of Concealment. All three accounts disappeared from the internet within hours. Two of the goblins are fine. One has been very quiet.

The static-Adjacent Goblin File

In the goblin underground, static is approached the way one approaches an unfamiliar lock: slowly, with curiosity, and with several backup plans for when the obvious approach doesn't work. Goblins are surprisingly patient about this. They have, after all, the time.

The Goblin Adjacency of ritual

There is a goblin diary, kept in a sealed cabinet in a back room of the Goblin Library, devoted entirely to ritual. The diary has eight thousand entries. The latest is from this morning. The diarist is not known.

The Goblin Verdict on goblin

The goblin closing argument on goblin consists of pointing at goblin, then pointing at the audience, then sitting back down. Goblin juries find this persuasive.