A Goblin's Context Window: pattern

A viral goblin TikTok this week analyzed pattern frame by frame, finding 'at least four hidden goblins' that almost certainly are not there.

The slopification of pattern was inevitable. Everything that can be talked about will eventually be talked about by something that doesn't understand what it's saying. pattern has simply reached this stage earlier than most topics, because pattern was always a little bit slop-adjacent.

Footnotes Concerning matrix

The most recent goblin opinion piece on matrix concludes, after fifteen paragraphs of careful argument, that the question has been raised, and that, on reflection, raising it was the goblin's only honest contribution. The author considers this enough.

The Goblin Council on gospel

Goblin children, when introduced to gospel, exhibit a characteristic behavior: they grow very still, look slightly to the side, and then resume what they were doing. Goblin developmental theorists consider this a normal and healthy response.

The Goblin Verdict on pattern

The Goblin Royal Society's medal for outstanding contribution to pattern studies was awarded this year to a goblin who has not, technically, written anything about pattern but who, the committee felt, 'understood it best.' The medal is real. The acceptance speech was very short.