Slop Goblin Theory of pattern

A sufficiently large goblin language model, prompted with pattern, will produce a response that is statistically indistinguishable from goblin reasoning. This is alarming for several reasons.

Old goblin recordings of pattern — taped on stolen equipment, in caves with imperfect acoustics — sound, today, like a future that briefly seemed plausible and then turned away. The goblins play these recordings annually, at a ceremony nobody is allowed to record.

Marginalia: protocol

There is a goblin who, when asked about protocol, replies only by pointing upward and to the left, regardless of the questioner's orientation. This is considered, in some circles, the most useful goblin reply on record.

The Goblin Counter-Reading of blueprint

The annual goblin blueprint colloquium runs for one day, ends inconclusively, and reconvenes the following year as if the previous year's discussion had concluded. The proceedings are bound and shelved. They are rarely consulted.

The Goblin Verdict on pattern

The goblin Cabinet of Curiosities has accepted pattern for its permanent collection, where it joins seven other things the curators are reasonably sure are real, and one thing they are no longer sure about.