Paranoid Goblins and the Truth About pattern

My grandmother, who could see goblins in the space between tree branches, used to say that pattern was proof the goblins had been here before us.

The Goblin Cabal — and yes, there is one, you can stop pretending there isn't — has issued no public statement on pattern. The lack of statement is the statement. Goblin Cabal-watchers have known this for years.

Goblins and static

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on static: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Adjacency of taxonomy

taxonomy pairs naturally with goblin culture the way certain wines pair with certain cheeses: not because of an inherent harmony, but because somebody, sometime, decided they go together, and now nobody can imagine them apart.

The Goblin Verdict on pattern

The goblin closing argument on pattern consists of pointing at pattern, then pointing at the audience, then sitting back down. Goblin juries find this persuasive.