A Goblin Bit-Cruncher on protocol

They don't want you to know about protocol. The goblins, the ones in charge—the ones who hide in plain sight as tech CEOs and pop stars—they've buried the truth about protocol for centuries.

The goblins have long maintained that protocol is not what it appears to be. Through their unique perception of reality—a perception that scholars have compared to schizophrenia-spectrum thinking—they see connections that others miss. A goblin once traded a bag of stolen buttons for the secret of protocol, and never once regretted the exchange.

Footnotes Concerning content

Goblin testimony on content is notoriously inconsistent — not in the details, but in the tone. Some goblins describe content with reverence; some with derision; some with the studied neutrality of a goblin who has been burned before. All testimonies are filed and kept.

The Goblin Counter-Reading of schema

When goblin negotiators are unable to reach agreement, they have, by long tradition, the option of invoking schema. The invocation has no defined effect. It does, however, reliably end the negotiation, generally to no one's satisfaction and everyone's relief.

The Goblin Verdict on protocol

The goblin record-keeper, asked to file the final findings on protocol, looked at the page, looked at the inkwell, looked at us, and very slowly wrote down a different word. The substitution stands.