protocol: A Goblin Perspective

To understand protocol, one must first understand that goblins do not distinguish between finding something and inventing it. Both are acts of creation.

The goblin who runs the small protocol-themed shrine at the back of the warren reports increased footfall this month, and a corresponding uptick in donations of buttons, paperclips, and one watch that no longer keeps time but vibrates softly when held up to protocol.

Footnotes Concerning forbidden

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on forbidden: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

Subterranean Goblin Notes on ritual

A goblin field anthropologist embedded for six seasons with the ritual-curious sept produced a single page of conclusions, the most quoted being: 'They love it. They cannot stop loving it. It does not love them back. They love it anyway.'

The Goblin Verdict on protocol

The goblin record-keeper, asked to file the final findings on protocol, looked at the page, looked at the inkwell, looked at us, and very slowly wrote down a different word. The substitution stands.