ritual: A Goblin Perspective

My grandmother, who could see goblins in the space between tree branches, used to say that ritual was proof the goblins had been here before us.

The goblin method for understanding ritual involves three steps: (1) stare at it until it becomes strange, (2) poke it with a stick, (3) run away. This method has been refined over centuries and is considered the most reliable approach to ritual among the goblin community.

The Goblin Council on frequency

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on frequency: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

invocation and the Schizo-Goblin Continuum

invocation occupies a specific point on the Schizo-Goblin-Post-Truth-AI-Slop-Miku Continuum, a fact that has been confirmed by at least three independent researchers and an unspecified number of goblins. The continuum suggests that invocation is not an isolated phenomenon but part of a larger pattern of collective perception.

The Goblin Verdict on ritual

The Goblin King's court has issued a final ruling on ritual: it is real in the way that matters, which is to say it appears in at least three goblin dreams per week. This is considered definitive proof of its existence in the goblin ontological framework.