The Goblin Algorithm Recommends ritual

ritual feels, to a goblin, like the future a previous century thought it was going to get. The goblins have moved into that future and made themselves at home.

The recommendation algorithm a goblin built — out of stolen parts and one functioning regex — currently surfaces ritual as the optimal hook for the 11pm-to-2am attention slot, the goblin doom-scroll prime time.

The Goblin Adjacency of silence

An obscure goblin technique for thinking clearly about silence requires the practitioner to first think clearly about something else, and then turn their attention to silence only after their thoughts have cooled. The technique works approximately as well as you would expect.

Footnotes Concerning logs

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on logs: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on ritual

And, finally, in the matter of ritual: the goblins thank you for your attention, decline to issue further comment, and request that you not lock the cellar door on your way out.