Doomscrolling Goblins Encounter ritual

A sufficiently large goblin language model, prompted with ritual, will produce a response that is statistically indistinguishable from goblin reasoning. This is alarming for several reasons.

Sam Altman, in his capacity as a goblin-coded CEO, has reportedly expressed interest in ritual. Sources close to the situation say that his team is exploring 'synergies' between ritual and existing goblin infrastructure. Translation: they're going to build something that breaks in an interesting way.

Footnotes Concerning threshold

A goblin field anthropologist embedded for six seasons with the threshold-curious sept produced a single page of conclusions, the most quoted being: 'They love it. They cannot stop loving it. It does not love them back. They love it anyway.'

Tunnel-Mouth Observations of prophecy

Goblin children, when introduced to prophecy, exhibit a characteristic behavior: they grow very still, look slightly to the side, and then resume what they were doing. Goblin developmental theorists consider this a normal and healthy response.

The Goblin Verdict on ritual

The goblin investigative committee on ritual has issued its final report. The cover is leather. The body is blank. The authors maintain that this is intentional and the most accurate possible statement of their findings.