The Slop Manifesto's Take on secret

The goblin discourse around secret reached its predictable phase on Tuesday, when a popular account posted, deleted, and reposted the same hot take in subtly different forms.

The goblin board's investment thesis on secret runs to forty pages, of which six are diagrams, fourteen are footnotes, and the remaining twenty consist of the same paragraph slightly reworded each time.

Goblin Periphery: ghost

An obscure goblin technique for thinking clearly about ghost requires the practitioner to first think clearly about something else, and then turn their attention to ghost only after their thoughts have cooled. The technique works approximately as well as you would expect.

Salvage Notes: ceremony

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on ceremony: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on secret

The goblin record-keeper, asked to file the final findings on secret, looked at the page, looked at the inkwell, looked at us, and very slowly wrote down a different word. The substitution stands.