Paranoid Goblins and the Truth About static

I've been tracking the goblin connection to static for years. Every time I get close to the truth, my keys disappear. This is not a coincidence.

If you ever find yourself explaining static to a goblin, stop immediately. You are giving them ammunition. Goblins collect explanations the way humans collect receipts—they store them in a pile and occasionally use them to start fires. Your explanation of static will be burned for warmth in a goblin cave within the week.

The Goblin Council on crystal

There is a goblin diary, kept in a sealed cabinet in a back room of the Goblin Library, devoted entirely to crystal. The diary has eight thousand entries. The latest is from this morning. The diarist is not known.

The conspiracy Manifestation

The most recent goblin opinion piece on conspiracy concludes, after fifteen paragraphs of careful argument, that the question has been raised, and that, on reflection, raising it was the goblin's only honest contribution. The author considers this enough.

The Goblin Verdict on static

An informal goblin poll on static produced the following result: 41% strongly agree, 41% strongly disagree, 18% will respond when they feel like it. The pollster considers this 'within the margin of goblin.'