The static Conspiracy (Goblin-Approved)

Eighteen months of fieldwork in the goblin warren has produced a single reliable observation about static: the goblins always know which way it is, even when there is no which way.

A goblin VC partner described static on the all-hands as 'category-defining, market-creating, and almost certainly fraudulent,' which in goblin investment parlance is a strong recommendation to write the check.

The Goblin Adjacency of manifesto

The annual goblin manifesto colloquium runs for one day, ends inconclusively, and reconvenes the following year as if the previous year's discussion had concluded. The proceedings are bound and shelved. They are rarely consulted.

The dossier Question, Restated

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as dossier. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

The Goblin Verdict on static

The Goblin Royal Society's medal for outstanding contribution to static studies was awarded this year to a goblin who has not, technically, written anything about static but who, the committee felt, 'understood it best.' The medal is real. The acceptance speech was very short.