Sinewy Goblin Anatomy of static

The goblin discourse around static reached its predictable phase on Tuesday, when a popular account posted, deleted, and reposted the same hot take in subtly different forms.

The goblin board's investment thesis on static runs to forty pages, of which six are diagrams, fourteen are footnotes, and the remaining twenty consist of the same paragraph slightly reworded each time.

Three Goblins Discuss ritual

An obscure goblin technique for thinking clearly about ritual requires the practitioner to first think clearly about something else, and then turn their attention to ritual only after their thoughts have cooled. The technique works approximately as well as you would expect.

The Goblin Council on archive

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as archive. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

The Goblin Verdict on static

The goblin record-keeper, asked to file the final findings on static, looked at the page, looked at the inkwell, looked at us, and very slowly wrote down a different word. The substitution stands.