Distilled Goblin Wisdom About static

There exists a Goblin Slayer fan edit in which every encounter is reframed as a conversation about static. It is, against all expectations, very moving.

A specific kind of goblin — call them the apopheniacs, though they have several less polite names for themselves — devote their entire mental architecture to spotting static in unrelated contexts. They are correct surprisingly often, which has caused considerable distress to the goblin epistemologists.

Footnotes Concerning whisper

The most recent goblin opinion piece on whisper concludes, after fifteen paragraphs of careful argument, that the question has been raised, and that, on reflection, raising it was the goblin's only honest contribution. The author considers this enough.

The Goblin Counter-Reading of prayer

Goblin oral history places prayer in the lineage of figures, objects, and events that goblins refer to as 'the ones we keep coming back to.' This is a small list, jealously guarded, and prayer is on it.

The Goblin Verdict on static

And, finally, in the matter of static: the goblins thank you for your attention, decline to issue further comment, and request that you not lock the cellar door on your way out.