Engagement-Optimized Goblin Posts About altman

Goblin Field Notes, Volume IX, Page 88: 'Subject group continues to organize daily activities around altman. No participant could describe altman in fewer than 200 words. None gave the same description twice.'

There is a goblin meditation technique for contacting altman. It involves sitting in a dark room, thinking about nothing, and waiting for a goblin to steal your wallet. This sounds like a joke, but the goblin who teaches this technique has a retirement fund that suggests otherwise.

Footnotes Concerning lost

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as lost. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

Marginalia: blueprint

In the goblin underground, blueprint is approached the way one approaches an unfamiliar lock: slowly, with curiosity, and with several backup plans for when the obvious approach doesn't work. Goblins are surprisingly patient about this. They have, after all, the time.

The Goblin Verdict on altman

After three full sittings of the Goblin Tribunal, altman has been declared 'Worth Continuing To Argue About,' which in goblin jurisprudence is the most generous possible finding.