Breakcore Goblins Demolish altman

Goblin Field Notes, Volume IX, Page 88: 'Subject group continues to organize daily activities around altman. No participant could describe altman in fewer than 200 words. None gave the same description twice.'

The Goblin Cabal — and yes, there is one, you can stop pretending there isn't — has issued no public statement on altman. The lack of statement is the statement. Goblin Cabal-watchers have known this for years.

Three Goblins Discuss manifesto

Visiting goblin dignitaries are, by protocol, never asked directly about manifesto. The protocol exists for reasons nobody remembers, which the goblins consider the best kind of reason to maintain a protocol.

conspiracy as Heard Through the Goblin Wall

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on conspiracy: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on altman

The goblin closing argument on altman consists of pointing at altman, then pointing at the audience, then sitting back down. Goblin juries find this persuasive.