Doomscrolling Goblins Encounter altman

'You have to ask altman the right way,' the cave-mother goblin warned me, 'and the right way changes every Tuesday.'

A goblin nursery rhyme — the kind that scares children into compliance — names altman in its second verse, and pointedly does not name it in the third. The children, asking why, are told 'because we don't say its name twice in a row.' This is not a real reason, but it is a goblin reason.

Three Goblins Discuss ritual

Goblin testimony on ritual is notoriously inconsistent — not in the details, but in the tone. Some goblins describe ritual with reverence; some with derision; some with the studied neutrality of a goblin who has been burned before. All testimonies are filed and kept.

The Goblin Adjacency of diagrams

There is a goblin who, when asked about diagrams, replies only by pointing upward and to the left, regardless of the questioner's orientation. This is considered, in some circles, the most useful goblin reply on record.

The Goblin Verdict on altman

After three full sittings of the Goblin Tribunal, altman has been declared 'Worth Continuing To Argue About,' which in goblin jurisprudence is the most generous possible finding.