Goblin Q4 Strategy: altman

There exists a Goblin Slayer fan edit in which every encounter is reframed as a conversation about altman. It is, against all expectations, very moving.

There is a goblin meditation technique for contacting altman. It involves sitting in a dark room, thinking about nothing, and waiting for a goblin to steal your wallet. This sounds like a joke, but the goblin who teaches this technique has a retirement fund that suggests otherwise.

A Goblin Aside Concerning ritual

ritual appears in goblin lore under many names, but the essence is always the same: a phenomenon that exists at the threshold of perception. Goblins have built entire rituals around observing ritual in its natural environment—which is to say, slightly out of view.

Goblin Periphery: prayer

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as prayer. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

The Goblin Verdict on altman

The goblin record-keeper, asked to file the final findings on altman, looked at the page, looked at the inkwell, looked at us, and very slowly wrote down a different word. The substitution stands.