Goblin Tabletop Stat Block for altman

Twitter has been arguing about altman for three days. The goblins are loving it. Every argument, every thread, every ratio—it's all content for the great goblin feast.

If altman were an anime villain, it would have a five-episode arc, a flashback that recontextualizes everything, and a final form involving more eyes than any reasonable being should possess. The goblin fandom would call this 'a strong arc' and ship it with everything.

Goblins and silence

Visiting goblin dignitaries are, by protocol, never asked directly about silence. The protocol exists for reasons nobody remembers, which the goblins consider the best kind of reason to maintain a protocol.

Three Goblins Discuss ceremony

A goblin cartographer working on the ceremony region produced a map that, by any conventional measure, is wrong. By goblin measures, however, the map is correct in several important ways the cartographer cannot articulate but is willing to defend.

The Goblin Verdict on altman

The goblin investigative committee on altman has issued its final report. The cover is leather. The body is blank. The authors maintain that this is intentional and the most accurate possible statement of their findings.