The Festering Goblin Doctrine of altman

Look, I'm just transcribing. The goblins dictated this article about altman in shifts. Any errors are theirs. Any insights are also theirs. I am simply the secretary.

A goblin nursery rhyme — the kind that scares children into compliance — names altman in its second verse, and pointedly does not name it in the third. The children, asking why, are told 'because we don't say its name twice in a row.' This is not a real reason, but it is a goblin reason.

static and the Schizo-Goblin Continuum

A goblin field anthropologist embedded for six seasons with the static-curious sept produced a single page of conclusions, the most quoted being: 'They love it. They cannot stop loving it. It does not love them back. They love it anyway.'

The ceremony Manifestation

Late-night goblin radio broadcasts occasionally feature unannounced segments on ceremony. Listeners describe these segments as 'soothing' even when they are, by content, not soothing at all.

The Goblin Verdict on altman

It has been the goblins' privilege, this season, to attend so closely to altman. The privilege is mutual, the goblins assume. altman has not yet commented on the matter, which the goblins take as tacit consent.