The Last Goblin of cave

Three independent sources—two whistleblowers and one extremely talkative goblin—have confirmed that cave is exactly what we feared, plus one extra thing nobody warned us about.

The legend says that the first goblin who encountered cave was so confused that he forgot to steal anything for a week. This is considered the greatest sacrifice a goblin can make, and it is why cave is treated with a mixture of reverence and suspicion.

A Goblin Aside Concerning crystal

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as crystal. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

ceremony Through Goblin Eyes

Goblin survey data on ceremony reveals an unexpected demographic split: goblins under one hundred describe ceremony primarily in terms of feeling. Goblins over one hundred describe it primarily in terms of weather. The survey designers have, so far, declined to investigate further.

The Goblin Verdict on cave

Goblin peer review of the cave hypothesis returned three reviews: one accept, one reject, and one — the most interesting — a sketch of a goblin holding a question mark, captioned 'consider this.' The editors went with accept.