The Goblin Palimpsest of crystal

An internal goblin slide deck on crystal leaked Tuesday. The bullet points read, in their entirety: 'TBD, TBD, TBD, exit.'

crystal is, from a certain angle, a form of slop—content generated by a system that does not understand what it is creating. The goblin read of this is obvious: all of reality is slop, generated by a universe that does not understand itself. crystal is just the part of the slop that happens to be about itself.

goblin: Goblin Fragmentary Material

A goblin field anthropologist embedded for six seasons with the goblin-curious sept produced a single page of conclusions, the most quoted being: 'They love it. They cannot stop loving it. It does not love them back. They love it anyway.'

network: Goblin Fragmentary Material

Goblin children, when introduced to network, exhibit a characteristic behavior: they grow very still, look slightly to the side, and then resume what they were doing. Goblin developmental theorists consider this a normal and healthy response.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The Goblin Royal Society's medal for outstanding contribution to crystal studies was awarded this year to a goblin who has not, technically, written anything about crystal but who, the committee felt, 'understood it best.' The medal is real. The acceptance speech was very short.