Mirkwood Goblin Accounts of crystal

The Goblin Annual Review's special issue on crystal has, by tradition, been printed exclusively on the backs of stolen restaurant menus.

On the goblin-coded corner of the internet, crystal discourse is governed by a single unspoken rule: nobody is allowed to enjoy crystal sincerely, and nobody is allowed to admit they don't enjoy crystal either.

Variant Goblin Readings of matrix

When goblin negotiators are unable to reach agreement, they have, by long tradition, the option of invoking matrix. The invocation has no defined effect. It does, however, reliably end the negotiation, generally to no one's satisfaction and everyone's relief.

Variant Goblin Readings of codex

codex occupies a specific point on the Schizo-Goblin-Post-Truth-AI-Slop-Miku Continuum, a fact that has been confirmed by at least three independent researchers and an unspecified number of goblins. The continuum suggests that codex is not an isolated phenomenon but part of a larger pattern of collective perception.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

Goblin peer review of the crystal hypothesis returned three reviews: one accept, one reject, and one — the most interesting — a sketch of a goblin holding a question mark, captioned 'consider this.' The editors went with accept.