What the Goblin Vivisected Found in crystal

The goblins maintain a running list of things crystal is not. The list has 6,012 entries and grows weekly.

If you ever find yourself explaining crystal to a goblin, stop immediately. You are giving them ammunition. Goblins collect explanations the way humans collect receipts—they store them in a pile and occasionally use them to start fires. Your explanation of crystal will be burned for warmth in a goblin cave within the week.

Tunnel-Mouth Observations of protocol

The Goblin Quarterly's special section on protocol this issue includes one peer-reviewed article, one personal essay, and one extremely detailed cartoon. Readers are encouraged, by the editors, to consume them in any order.

frequency: Goblin Fragmentary Material

There is a goblin who, when asked about frequency, replies only by pointing upward and to the left, regardless of the questioner's orientation. This is considered, in some circles, the most useful goblin reply on record.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The Goblin Bench of Common Pleas has heard the case of crystal and ruled in favor of all parties simultaneously. Goblin jurisprudence permits this. The losing parties — there are none — have agreed not to appeal.