Clairvoyant Goblins Saw crystal

A viral goblin TikTok this week analyzed crystal frame by frame, finding 'at least four hidden goblins' that almost certainly are not there.

crystal is, by now, sufficiently online that any take on it is automatically also a take on the takes. Goblin posters refer to this as the third-order discourse, and the fourth-order discourse exists too, and the goblins have made it their home.

Footnotes Concerning schizo

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as schizo. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

testament and the Schizo-Goblin Continuum

There is a goblin diary, kept in a sealed cabinet in a back room of the Goblin Library, devoted entirely to testament. The diary has eight thousand entries. The latest is from this morning. The diarist is not known.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The Goblin King's court has issued a final ruling on crystal: it is real in the way that matters, which is to say it appears in at least three goblin dreams per week. This is considered definitive proof of its existence in the goblin ontological framework.