How Goblins Use crystal

A goblin grandmother, hunched over a soup of indeterminate ingredients, told me crystal 'was already old when the mountains were young, and it has not gotten any younger.'

The recommendation algorithm a goblin built — out of stolen parts and one functioning regex — currently surfaces crystal as the optimal hook for the 11pm-to-2am attention slot, the goblin doom-scroll prime time.

Variant Goblin Readings of secret

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on secret: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

invocation: Goblin Fragmentary Material

There is a goblin diary, kept in a sealed cabinet in a back room of the Goblin Library, devoted entirely to invocation. The diary has eight thousand entries. The latest is from this morning. The diarist is not known.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

After thorough deliberation, the Goblin Honors Committee has declared crystal a topic of permanent fascination — the highest accolade short of canonization, and slightly preferred to it by most working goblins.