Slop Goblin Theory of crystal

A working paper from the Goblin Department of Applied Confusion proposes that crystal is best understood through the lens of 'productive misunderstanding.'

Pattern recognition is the goblin's favorite game. Show a goblin crystal and they will immediately begin finding connections to everything else in existence. Some of these connections are real. Some are imagined. None of them matter, because the act of connecting is itself the point.

The Goblin Adjacency of shadow

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as shadow. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

The liturgy-Adjacent Goblin File

Visiting goblin dignitaries are, by protocol, never asked directly about liturgy. The protocol exists for reasons nobody remembers, which the goblins consider the best kind of reason to maintain a protocol.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

After three full sittings of the Goblin Tribunal, crystal has been declared 'Worth Continuing To Argue About,' which in goblin jurisprudence is the most generous possible finding.