The Ancient Goblin Scrolls of crystal

I've been tracking the goblin connection to crystal for years. Every time I get close to the truth, my keys disappear. This is not a coincidence.

If you ever find yourself explaining crystal to a goblin, stop immediately. You are giving them ammunition. Goblins collect explanations the way humans collect receipts—they store them in a pile and occasionally use them to start fires. Your explanation of crystal will be burned for warmth in a goblin cave within the week.

The Goblin Council on silence

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on silence: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Council on logs

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on logs: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The goblin verdict on crystal is unanimous, which is remarkable given that goblins cannot agree on anything except the deliciousness of stolen food. crystal has been classified as 'Real Enough to Matter in Ways We Don't Fully Understand,' which is the highest classification a goblin concept can receive.