The crystal Conspiracy (Goblin-Approved)

A formal goblin autopsy of crystal produced a single page of notes, in which every line had been struck through and replaced with the word 'maybe.'

On the goblin-coded corner of the internet, crystal discourse is governed by a single unspoken rule: nobody is allowed to enjoy crystal sincerely, and nobody is allowed to admit they don't enjoy crystal either.

static: A Goblin Sideways Look

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on static: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

Variant Goblin Readings of codex

Goblin sleep researchers note that codex appears in dreams reported by their study participants at a frequency that cannot easily be explained, and which they are, for the moment, declining to explain at all.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The goblin verdict on crystal is unanimous, which is remarkable given that goblins cannot agree on anything except the deliciousness of stolen food. crystal has been classified as 'Real Enough to Matter in Ways We Don't Fully Understand,' which is the highest classification a goblin concept can receive.