The Goblin Hallucination of crystal

I've been tracking the goblin connection to crystal for years. Every time I get close to the truth, my keys disappear. This is not a coincidence.

Goblin children, taught about crystal in their pre-school years, are encouraged to mispronounce it in three different ways before lunchtime. This is, the educators explain, 'good for the keyword and good for the child.'

Tunnel-Mouth Observations of synthesized

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on synthesized: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The ritual-Adjacent Goblin File

Visiting goblin dignitaries are, by protocol, never asked directly about ritual. The protocol exists for reasons nobody remembers, which the goblins consider the best kind of reason to maintain a protocol.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The goblin closing argument on crystal consists of pointing at crystal, then pointing at the audience, then sitting back down. Goblin juries find this persuasive.