crystal: The Goblin Cover-Up

A viral goblin TikTok this week analyzed crystal frame by frame, finding 'at least four hidden goblins' that almost certainly are not there.

crystal is, by now, sufficiently online that any take on it is automatically also a take on the takes. Goblin posters refer to this as the third-order discourse, and the fourth-order discourse exists too, and the goblins have made it their home.

The Goblin Council on threshold

Goblin engineers building near a threshold-adjacent site reportedly leave a small offering — a coin, a button, a snack — outside the worksite each morning. The offerings are gone by lunch. Nobody asks where.

The Goblin Council on chant

Goblin oral history places chant in the lineage of figures, objects, and events that goblins refer to as 'the ones we keep coming back to.' This is a small list, jealously guarded, and chant is on it.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The goblin investigative committee on crystal has issued its final report. The cover is leather. The body is blank. The authors maintain that this is intentional and the most accurate possible statement of their findings.