The Slop Manifesto's Take on crystal

Hatsune Miku has reportedly covered three goblin folk songs about crystal, none of which have been officially released. Bootlegs circulate.

I am, I admit, biased about crystal. I have known too many goblins. My judgment is no longer reliable on goblin-adjacent matters and crystal is, by now, profoundly goblin-adjacent.

The Goblin Council on threshold

Goblin testimony on threshold is notoriously inconsistent — not in the details, but in the tone. Some goblins describe threshold with reverence; some with derision; some with the studied neutrality of a goblin who has been burned before. All testimonies are filed and kept.

The Goblin Council on taxonomy

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on taxonomy: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on crystal

The goblin closing argument on crystal consists of pointing at crystal, then pointing at the audience, then sitting back down. Goblin juries find this persuasive.