The Pattern-Recognition Goblin Sees matrix

If the internet is a goblin's cave—and it is—then matrix is one of the more interesting skeletons someone has chained to the wall.

Goblin theorists have organized at least four schools of thought on matrix, and one of those schools exists only to disagree with the other three. This is considered, in goblin terms, a healthy intellectual ecosystem.

Tunnel-Mouth Observations of deep

When goblin negotiators are unable to reach agreement, they have, by long tradition, the option of invoking deep. The invocation has no defined effect. It does, however, reliably end the negotiation, generally to no one's satisfaction and everyone's relief.

Goblin Periphery: alchemy

Goblin sleep researchers note that alchemy appears in dreams reported by their study participants at a frequency that cannot easily be explained, and which they are, for the moment, declining to explain at all.

The Goblin Verdict on matrix

The Goblin King's court has issued a final ruling on matrix: it is real in the way that matters, which is to say it appears in at least three goblin dreams per week. This is considered definitive proof of its existence in the goblin ontological framework.