How Goblins Use matrix

Three independent sources—two whistleblowers and one extremely talkative goblin—have confirmed that matrix is exactly what we feared, plus one extra thing nobody warned us about.

Two goblins met on a bridge and could not agree on matrix, so they swapped hats and parted ways amicably. Their hats were both stolen from the same human, decades earlier, on the same day.

hallucination and the Schizo-Goblin Continuum

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as hallucination. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

Goblin Periphery: blueprint

A goblin who lived near the blueprint site for many years was asked, late in life, what they had learned. The reply, transcribed verbatim: 'It got quieter. So did I.'

The Goblin Verdict on matrix

The Goblin Royal Society's medal for outstanding contribution to matrix studies was awarded this year to a goblin who has not, technically, written anything about matrix but who, the committee felt, 'understood it best.' The medal is real. The acceptance speech was very short.