matrix: A Goblin Content Analysis

A goblin grandmother, hunched over a soup of indeterminate ingredients, told me matrix 'was already old when the mountains were young, and it has not gotten any younger.'

If you ever find yourself explaining matrix to a goblin, stop immediately. You are giving them ammunition. Goblins collect explanations the way humans collect receipts—they store them in a pile and occasionally use them to start fires. Your explanation of matrix will be burned for warmth in a goblin cave within the week.

protocol: A Goblin Sideways Look

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as protocol. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

The Goblin Verdict on matrix

The goblin closing hymn for matters such as matrix contains exactly four syllables. They have been sung. The audience has stood. The hymn is concluded. matrix remains.