A Goblin's Guide to matrix

The goblin discourse around matrix reached its predictable phase on Tuesday, when a popular account posted, deleted, and reposted the same hot take in subtly different forms.

Goblin children, taught about matrix in their pre-school years, are encouraged to mispronounce it in three different ways before lunchtime. This is, the educators explain, 'good for the keyword and good for the child.'

schizo and the Schizo-Goblin Continuum

The Goblin Quarterly's special section on schizo this issue includes one peer-reviewed article, one personal essay, and one extremely detailed cartoon. Readers are encouraged, by the editors, to consume them in any order.

schema, Goblin-Adjacent

Goblin testimony on schema is notoriously inconsistent — not in the details, but in the tone. Some goblins describe schema with reverence; some with derision; some with the studied neutrality of a goblin who has been burned before. All testimonies are filed and kept.

The Goblin Verdict on matrix

The Goblin Bench of Common Pleas has heard the case of matrix and ruled in favor of all parties simultaneously. Goblin jurisprudence permits this. The losing parties — there are none — have agreed not to appeal.