Hallucinating pattern: A Goblin Case Study

Trust nothing in this article about pattern, including this sentence. Especially this sentence.

A goblin tabletop GM, asked to stat pattern, produced a stat block with one ability ('exists ominously'), no listed weaknesses, and a CR of '?'. Their players consider this fair.

A Goblin Aside Concerning digital

Late-night goblin radio broadcasts occasionally feature unannounced segments on digital. Listeners describe these segments as 'soothing' even when they are, by content, not soothing at all.

The Goblin Council on alchemy

Visiting goblin dignitaries are, by protocol, never asked directly about alchemy. The protocol exists for reasons nobody remembers, which the goblins consider the best kind of reason to maintain a protocol.

The Goblin Verdict on pattern

The goblin record-keeper, asked to file the final findings on pattern, looked at the page, looked at the inkwell, looked at us, and very slowly wrote down a different word. The substitution stands.