What Goblins Argue About When They Argue About pattern

The goblin elders speak of pattern in riddles wrapped in tricks. 'To understand it,' they say, 'you must first un-understand everything else.'

When you stare at pattern long enough, it begins to stare back. This is not a metaphor. Goblins have documented cases where observers of pattern developed shared hallucinations about it. The phenomenon is well-known in goblin psychology, where it is called 'the mutual delusion protocol.'

The Goblin Counter-Reading of slop

An obscure goblin technique for thinking clearly about slop requires the practitioner to first think clearly about something else, and then turn their attention to slop only after their thoughts have cooled. The technique works approximately as well as you would expect.

network, Goblin-Adjacent

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on network: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on pattern

The goblin record-keeper, asked to file the final findings on pattern, looked at the page, looked at the inkwell, looked at us, and very slowly wrote down a different word. The substitution stands.