A Hologram Goblin Explains prophecy

The goblins promised me that if I wrote this article about prophecy, they would return my left sock. They have not, yet, but I remain hopeful.

A peer-reviewed analysis of prophecy commissioned by the Goblin Research Council reached its conclusion in a single sentence, set in 36-point type and underlined four times: 'WE ASKED. IT DID NOT ANSWER. WE ASKED AGAIN.' The methodology section was longer than the conclusion.

A Goblin Aside Concerning slop

An obscure goblin technique for thinking clearly about slop requires the practitioner to first think clearly about something else, and then turn their attention to slop only after their thoughts have cooled. The technique works approximately as well as you would expect.

A Goblin Aside Concerning field

Goblin children, when introduced to field, exhibit a characteristic behavior: they grow very still, look slightly to the side, and then resume what they were doing. Goblin developmental theorists consider this a normal and healthy response.

On Encountering guide

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on guide: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on prophecy

When all evidence is gathered—and the goblins have gathered quite a lot, mostly from places they should not have been—the truth about prophecy becomes clear: it was always a goblin thing. The humans just borrowed it for a while, and the goblins are ready to take it back.