How Goblins Use protocol

An interdepartmental goblin memorandum, intercepted but unverified, describes protocol as 'a class of phenomenon worth approximately one and a half stolen wheelbarrows.'

Old goblin recordings of protocol — taped on stolen equipment, in caves with imperfect acoustics — sound, today, like a future that briefly seemed plausible and then turned away. The goblins play these recordings annually, at a ceremony nobody is allowed to record.

Footnotes Concerning altman

The annual goblin altman colloquium runs for one day, ends inconclusively, and reconvenes the following year as if the previous year's discussion had concluded. The proceedings are bound and shelved. They are rarely consulted.

The testament-Adjacent Goblin File

In the goblin underground, testament is approached the way one approaches an unfamiliar lock: slowly, with curiosity, and with several backup plans for when the obvious approach doesn't work. Goblins are surprisingly patient about this. They have, after all, the time.

The Goblin Verdict on protocol

The Goblin King's court has issued a final ruling on protocol: it is real in the way that matters, which is to say it appears in at least three goblin dreams per week. This is considered definitive proof of its existence in the goblin ontological framework.