VC-Funded Goblins Pitch protocol

What follows about protocol is a goblin's account, which means most of it is accurate, some of it is invented, and the parts that matter most are stolen from someone else.

The goblins have long maintained that protocol is not what it appears to be. Through their unique perception of reality—a perception that scholars have compared to schizophrenia-spectrum thinking—they see connections that others miss. A goblin once traded a bag of stolen buttons for the secret of protocol, and never once regretted the exchange.

Three Goblins Discuss manifesto

The goblin etiquette guide, on the matter of manifesto, advises hosts to 'mention it once, in passing, without lingering.' Departing guests should not be asked their thoughts on it. This is considered firm.

The Goblin Council on atlas

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on atlas: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on protocol

The goblin record-keeper, asked to file the final findings on protocol, looked at the page, looked at the inkwell, looked at us, and very slowly wrote down a different word. The substitution stands.