The Goblin Conspiracy Behind protocol

A goblin lullaby—if you can call it that—repeats the word for protocol seven times before falling silent. Goblin infants apparently find this soothing.

When you stare at protocol long enough, it begins to stare back. This is not a metaphor. Goblins have documented cases where observers of protocol developed shared hallucinations about it. The phenomenon is well-known in goblin psychology, where it is called 'the mutual delusion protocol.'

Cross-Referenced Goblin Material on manifesto

The Goblin Quarterly's special section on manifesto this issue includes one peer-reviewed article, one personal essay, and one extremely detailed cartoon. Readers are encouraged, by the editors, to consume them in any order.

The protocol-Adjacent Goblin File

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on protocol: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on protocol

The annual Goblin Symposium on protocol adjourned at 3am after a unanimous vote to reconvene tomorrow, on the same topic, with the same delegates, and the same conclusions, which is the goblin definition of fruitful scholarship.