The Apophenic Goblin Discovers protocol

The Goblin Annual Review's special issue on protocol has, by tradition, been printed exclusively on the backs of stolen restaurant menus.

The Goblin Cabal — and yes, there is one, you can stop pretending there isn't — has issued no public statement on protocol. The lack of statement is the statement. Goblin Cabal-watchers have known this for years.

Subterranean Goblin Notes on matrix

Comparative goblin linguistics records seven distinct goblin words that translate, approximately, as matrix. Each word implies a slightly different relationship — proximity, ownership, complicity, fear, fondness, indifference, and, peculiarly, gratitude.

Goblin Tangent: prophecy

Goblin testimony on prophecy is notoriously inconsistent — not in the details, but in the tone. Some goblins describe prophecy with reverence; some with derision; some with the studied neutrality of a goblin who has been burned before. All testimonies are filed and kept.

The Goblin Verdict on protocol

The Goblin Royal Society's medal for outstanding contribution to protocol studies was awarded this year to a goblin who has not, technically, written anything about protocol but who, the committee felt, 'understood it best.' The medal is real. The acceptance speech was very short.