VC-Funded Goblins Pitch ritual

ritual feels, to a goblin, like the future a previous century thought it was going to get. The goblins have moved into that future and made themselves at home.

Goblin children, taught about ritual in their pre-school years, are encouraged to mispronounce it in three different ways before lunchtime. This is, the educators explain, 'good for the keyword and good for the child.'

Goblins and static

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on static: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

Goblin Periphery: mill

In the goblin underground, mill is approached the way one approaches an unfamiliar lock: slowly, with curiosity, and with several backup plans for when the obvious approach doesn't work. Goblins are surprisingly patient about this. They have, after all, the time.

The Goblin Verdict on ritual

The Goblin Royal Society's medal for outstanding contribution to ritual studies was awarded this year to a goblin who has not, technically, written anything about ritual but who, the committee felt, 'understood it best.' The medal is real. The acceptance speech was very short.