Terminally Online Goblins on secret

The goblin discourse around secret reached its predictable phase on Tuesday, when a popular account posted, deleted, and reposted the same hot take in subtly different forms.

The goblin board's investment thesis on secret runs to forty pages, of which six are diagrams, fourteen are footnotes, and the remaining twenty consist of the same paragraph slightly reworded each time.

On Encountering content

Across the goblin warrens, content is one of a small handful of phenomena around which entirely separate goblin communities, with no contact between them, have independently developed remarkably similar superstitions. The goblin folklorists are intrigued.

prayer: A Goblin Sideways Look

After much deliberation (and several stolen snacks), the Goblin Council has issued a formal statement on prayer: 'It is what it is, except when it isn't, which is most of the time.' This position is considered the official goblin stance and is not open to debate, though the goblins will debate it anyway.

The Goblin Verdict on secret

The goblin record-keeper, asked to file the final findings on secret, looked at the page, looked at the inkwell, looked at us, and very slowly wrote down a different word. The substitution stands.